


I Can Be Your China Doll, If You Want To See Me Fall

by dametokillfor



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-02
Updated: 2012-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-31 23:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dametokillfor/pseuds/dametokillfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/3266.html?thread=2019010#t2019010">this</a> prompt at <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/"><b>avengerkink</b></a>. They shouldn't have happened, there are a thousand reasons they shouldn't work and one that keeps them together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Be Your China Doll, If You Want To See Me Fall

It was never supposed to happen like this. It was never supposed to happen at all. Too much alcohol – which wasn’t supposed to happen anymore – had turned into a morose pissing contest over just who had the worst father. Neither had conceded defeat, though Clint would like to believe that ‘killed my mother’ trumps ‘neglectful’ and a toast had somehow turned into senseless rutting on one of Tony’s very expensive couches. This had then turned into fumbling to Tony’s grotesquely extravagant bedroom, where both had passed out before their soiled clothing had even hit the floor.

The morning should have been awkward. Clint should have tried to sneak out the moment he woke before Tony, Tony should have made excuses, blamed the alcoholism. Instead, Clint had woken Tony with a talented tongue, before Tony had fucked him in the large shower.

They should have been subtle, covered the evidence of their indiscretions. They should have lied about the bruise along Tony’s collarbone, should have insisted that Clint did have a Metallica t-shirt exactly like the one Tony had been wearing last night. Clint shouldn’t have kissed Tony on the cheek as he handed him a mug of coffee, Tony shouldn’t have thanked him with a comment about being exhausted after the night before.

It should have stopped there. A one night stand between two friends. Their friendship hadn’t changed. They were lucky.

The second time shouldn’t have happened, the third, the fourth.

The dates shouldn’t have happened. The fancy restaurants, the not so fancy dive bars, the vacations to tropical climes, the vacations to the middle of nowhere for some goddamn privacy.

The arguments should have torn them apart. Tony should have ended things the first time Clint called him the older agent’s name. Clint should have ended things the first time Tony had told him he’d never match up to the other blonde. They shouldn’t have fought and fucked and whispered apologies they didn’t mean into the other’s sweat slick skin. They shouldn’t have promised each other never again, only to repeat the same mistakes days later.

They shouldn’t have put a happy face on things, insisted their relationship was fine, all couples fought. Clint shouldn’t have lied to Natasha, Tony to Pepper.

_“What are you doing?” The redhead asks._

_“You’ve always told me I should try being a functional adult, Tasha/Pep.”_

_“Clint/Tony.”_

_“We’re fine. I’m happy.”_

They shouldn’t have laid in bed together, commiserating over their failed relationships mere days after being angry at the other for daring to have them. Tony and Pepper and Clint and Phil falling apart because their partners couldn’t handle their self-destructive nature. Tony and Steve and Clint and Natasha never even coming together because their potential partners just didn’t feel the same way about them. They shouldn’t have laid together, promising that they’d never fall apart like that, when they weren’t even _together_ in the first place, not really.

Clint shouldn’t have kissed Tony that night, Tony shouldn’t have kissed him back. Clint’s kisses shouldn’t have moved along Tony’s jaw, across his face. Tony shouldn’t have run his fingers through the spiked blonde hair as Clint moved atop him. He shouldn’t have held Clint’s face in his hands, as their noses just brushed.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

The words should never have passed their lips. They were a lie and they both knew it. They spoke to the others mouth, their eyes not meeting once. Clint rolled Tony onto his stomach, took him from behind as he repeated the lie into his shoulder, Tony returning the sentiment, both chanting it as if it would become true if they just said it enough.

The break ups should have been the end of it. They came every few months. The blazing rows which tore the pair apart, arguments which turned into fist fights, which undoubtedly turned into them insisting the whole relationship was a mistake. They were their most honest moments, the times they insisted later were lies, were just words said in the heat of the moment.

The rows should have been the end of it, the make ups should never have happened. The desperate pleading, the embarrassing begging, the _please don’t leave, I need you, I need you, you’re the only one who understands, Tony/Clint, please_.

They shouldn’t have been almost better together. Tony not drinking when he was with Clint, Clint not trying to kill himself playing the hero when he was with Tony. But in the end, they were replacing one vice for another, needing to be there for each other because if they aren’t, who will be? Natasha and Steve and Pepper and Coulson have made their feelings clear, they will be there as their friends but Tony and Clint need more than that. They need the visceral, raw, animalistic lust they have with each other, they need to feel alive in the way only the physicality can make them feel.

They should have given it up, ended the obsessive, desperate relationship before it had even begun. Tony should have continued to drink himself into oblivion, Clint should have continued to throw himself off buildings in hope that gravity might just throw him a break. Instead they’ll just lie next to one another and lie to one another until something finally _breaks_.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lana Del Rey's Without You.


End file.
